Wednesday, July 11, 2018

OPI I Just Can't Cope-Acabana & To Be Or Not To Beagle & Mismatched Nail Action 7/11/18

I initially came here to blow off some steam before starting my day. I feel chatty yet I have no idea what I want to say. I just know that writing often calms me, therefore, here I is.

I'm currently wearing a truly stunning yellow from OPI called I Just Can't Cope-Acabana, which my husband selected from a wheel of OPI colors I gave him from which to choose for me. When he chose it, I was slightly disappointed (I don't love yellow), but as I continued looking through my OPI's, I spotted a topper that was gifted to me probably almost four years ago by a lovely lady named Hannah. I'd heard about and had seen the topper on videos but never actually wanted to buy it. It was crazy how hard I fell for this thing when it actually came into my possession though. It really makes a mani look like art! The first time I wore it, it was over a gray polish and that mani was just spectacular! But now look at it over this yellow! I mean, I can't even!!! Also, believe it or not, this is only two coats! The first coat was streaky, but the second went on nicely and evenly enough to stop!


OPI I Just Can't Cope-Acabana & To Be Or Not To Beagle - TWO COATS!

OPI I Just Can't Cope-Acabana & To Be Or Not To Beagle





You may or may not know this, but, the nails on my left hand are always longer than the ones on my right. That's because, well, the nails and cuticles on my right hand just don't behave the way the ones on my left do. The ones on my right hand peel more often and they grow way more slowly - probably because they peel more often! Nevertheless, I consciously keep them shorter, even when they are behaving well and growing nicely. I'm right-handed and I need at least one hand that I can work with easily; as a result, I'm probably a lot less careful when using it, too...

You should also know that I have a soft spot in my heart for rounded nails. However, my followers on IG much prefer my nails in the soft square or "squoval" shape, so I've been keeping my nails that shape for a while. I'll admit it's pretty and looks nicer in pictures, but there is something so comforting and nice about the round nail shape to me. Tuesday of last week, I had a thought: I already had somewhat mismatched nails in length, so why not give the nails on my right hand a different shape, too? So that's what I did! People hate it, or just don't prefer it, but I LOVE it. Seriously, it gives me warm fuzzy feelings. I think if I ever get to the point where I quit all social media, I'd keep them rounded. In spite of the fact that even my husband prefers them squoval!


ROUNDED NAILS!


So, there you have evidence of the cuticle mess that is happening to my right hand. It's so difficult to keep those things looking good, so I often resent my own right hand LOL! However, now that her nails are rounded, I love her again, despite her flaws :). To be fair though, this shape is much more sustainable in that it's much harder to break or split nails that are in this shape. Perhaps they'll grow and maybe even stop peeling now that they look like this. We shall see!

Am I the only one out here who likes to keep her nails two different lengths AND shapes?

Until next time, Be Blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess


Thursday, July 5, 2018

Dream 7/4/18 - 7/5/18 Cancer, Smoking & Judgment

I had trouble getting any sleep last night, yet somehow I was able to fit a short dream in...

My mom was in the hospital recovering from cancer surgery. When I got to her room she looked anxious and tense, her eyes bulging. She kept saying she needed to get home over and over again. I told her she couldn't go home yet because she couldn't be alone while in recovery. She kept insisting that she'd be fine, that she just needed to be home. I sat next to her and tried to calm her down, took her hand and asked her what was going on, and what was the urgency? She finally calmed down a bit and said to me, "I didn't want to tell you that I'm having withdrawal symptoms. I'm sorry." I immediately tried to comfort her and tell her she had nothing to be ashamed of, that it was probably due to the treatments and surgery she underwent, but then it hit me: what I'd just said didn't make any sense - and neither did what she said, at least not to me - and then suddenly I perceived the faintest odor of cigarette smoke. When these thoughts occurred and I smelled the odor, I wasn't quite looking at my mom - but then I did, and then my eyes started to bulge. "You're SMOKING again?! After all of this, you're SMOKING again?!"

Then I woke up.

So much of this dream, I'm sure, is influenced by my waking life because - and, I haven't shared this with you yet - my mom just had a bilateral mastectomy after undergoing several months of intense chemotherapy. She is now cancer free and recovering from the surgery she had just last week. She used to be a smoker, but as far as I know, she hasn't smoked in years.

I've had so many dreams as an adult where I've confronted my mom about hiding bad behavior from me - it's so funny that I have repeated dreams of my mom hiding bad behavior from me LOL! Like I'm her mother or something. Anyway, it's usually the same two things she does in these dreams: 1. She gets back together with my abusive alcoholic stepfather (she left him when I was 16 and was officially divorced about two years later. I'm about to be 42 next month, yet, the most recent occurrence of this dream happened just weeks ago). And 2. She starts smoking again.

I guess of all of the things my mom has done in her life, those are the two things I judged her the hardest about. She was an alcoholic, too, but, I was so much younger when that was a real thing, and, it didn't affect or haunt me like her relationship choices and her smoking did. See, the guy she dated and lived with after my stepfather was also an abusive alcoholic. She's remained relatively single for most of her life after that second loser was deported, but she's had little guy friends here and there...and every single one of them sent up mucho red flags that she'd ignore until absolutely impossible to do so any longer.

As for her smoking, well, I blamed her smoking for my nearly losing one of my sons due to repeated respiratory infections, and for my having to move out on my own way sooner than I was ready to, at 23 with two kids that I desperately wanted to keep alive.

From reading the last sentence it might sound like I resent my mom or something, but I actually don't. I mean, I did, yeah, for years, but then I got saved so...😊 It really was for the best that I moved out when I did, or I may not have been able to figure out how to live independently. And, I haven't had any real beef with my mom since my late 20's. I wholeheartedly forgave her.

So that's it for me. If you care to share, I'd love to know if you have any recurring dreams yourself, and if you've figured out what they might be saying about your subconscious thoughts and whatnots :).

Until next time, be blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess






Friday, June 29, 2018

Overwhelmed By Polish 6/29/2018

I went through my polishes this week and sold 20 of them last night. I also tossed another dozen or so in my destash pile. What's weird is that I've been holding on to several polishes from Sally Hansen's Triple Shine line thinking I loved and needed them. Over and over again I'd look at them and decide I couldn't part with them - this has been going on for months - and yet last night, I tossed every single one into the bin. No regrets. They almost disgusted me.

What in the world?

I want to have that feeling again and often when it comes to my polish. My excuse for keeping so many of them is, "I might want to wear that color in the future!" I say that even about the polishes that I pass over time and time again when trying to decide what to wear next. Oh, and another excuse is, "But I haven't worn it yet! I can't get rid of it until I've at least tried it on!" The quick fix for that could very well be to just swatch it on my bare nail and decide right then and there. But I very rarely test-swatch on my own nails. I don't enjoy repeat-removing polish. It's abusive. I sincerely appreciate the girls who do that for us on Youtube, but ya girl ain't having it. There's a reason I almost never break a nail. I will say though that on Tuesday night, I did swatch on my bare nails a bunch of the sugar-textured polishes from Sally Hansen before deciding which ones to purge. I started with 18 and kept only three. That particular texture looks best in jewel-toned colors, but the one Sugar Shimmer I kept was a light mint. I loved the way it looked on me.

I have eight Helmers full of polish, and my overflow is in storage boxes on top of the them. My dream is to get down to just one Helmer drawer...that would be amazing. I'd have to quit Youtube, I think. Let's face it, I kind of already have, haven't I? I just haven't been in the mood to film. The mere thought is dreadful to me.

What is up with that anyway? I clearly still love polish, so much so that I never leave home without it, and I even enjoy writing about it from time to time! But talking about it on camera? No. Not right now. Talking at all on camera is just a NO for me right now. It feels like depression but I don't think that's what it is. I'm still figuring it out...

Anyway, until next time, STAY BLESSED!

XOXOXO - Jess