Overwhelmed By Polish 6/29/2018

I went through my polishes this week and sold 20 of them last night. I also tossed another dozen or so in my destash pile. What's weird is that I've been holding on to several polishes from Sally Hansen's Triple Shine line thinking I loved and needed them. Over and over again I'd look at them and decide I couldn't part with them - this has been going on for months - and yet last night, I tossed every single one into the bin. No regrets. They almost disgusted me.

What in the world?

I want to have that feeling again and often when it comes to my polish. My excuse for keeping so many of them is, "I might want to wear that color in the future!" I say that even about the polishes that I pass over time and time again when trying to decide what to wear next. Oh, and another excuse is, "But I haven't worn it yet! I can't get rid of it until I've at least tried it on!" The quick fix for that could very well be to just swatch it on my bare nail and decide right then and there. But I very rarely test-swatch on my own nails. I don't enjoy repeat-removing polish. It's abusive. I sincerely appreciate the girls who do that for us on Youtube, but ya girl ain't having it. There's a reason I almost never break a nail. I will say though that on Tuesday night, I did swatch on my bare nails a bunch of the sugar-textured polishes from Sally Hansen before deciding which ones to purge. I started with 18 and kept only three. That particular texture looks best in jewel-toned colors, but the one Sugar Shimmer I kept was a light mint. I loved the way it looked on me.

I have eight Helmers full of polish, and my overflow is in storage boxes on top of the them. My dream is to get down to just one Helmer drawer...that would be amazing. I'd have to quit Youtube, I think. Let's face it, I kind of already have, haven't I? I just haven't been in the mood to film. The mere thought is dreadful to me.

What is up with that anyway? I clearly still love polish, so much so that I never leave home without it, and I even enjoy writing about it from time to time! But talking about it on camera? No. Not right now. Talking at all on camera is just a NO for me right now. It feels like depression but I don't think that's what it is. I'm still figuring it out...

Anyway, until next time, STAY BLESSED!

XOXOXO - Jess

Dream & Revelation? 6/25/18

My sons and I were out swimming, at night. The moon was bright in the sky as was the light coming from the sandy shore, but the waters still looked quite dark. There was a wooden standalone pier not terribly far from the shore where the boys and I had stopped for a short break before heading back. From the shore, a woman sitting in a high lifeguard chair was watching and guiding us, ready to warn us if any scary creatures were nearby (the area was prone to small sharks). She could somehow see everything above and under the water from a screen she had in front of her. When she cleared us to start making our way back, Noah, my youngest son, started complaining that his arm hurt too much to swim. He was little, or at least talking like he was very little, like four, but in the dream he was actually eight. I asked him if he wanted me to pull him to shore and he shook his head no, but still complained that he couldn't swim on his own. I thought it was weird that he'd keep complaining about his arm but wouldn't let me pull him to safety. I kept trying to think of how I was going to get him to shore if he didn't want me to take him, and I started to panic. Someone ahead must have noticed our situation because all of a sudden, a little boat came toward us to pick him up, and a guy from inside the boat pulled Noah in. I let them and the guide ahead know that I still wanted to swim back - I don't remember if Jaylen swam back or got in the boat with Noah - and I did.

When we got home, Noah, again talking like a little toddler, said something to the effect that Jaylen must have forgotten my birthday because he planned to go out with his friends and was taking Noah with him. He seemed to be "tattling" on his brother, trying to make him look bad for forgetting my birthday, saying "I can't believe he forgot your birthday mom, and now he wants to take me with him!" Jaylen walked in and overheard him, and I could see that he was upset. I was sad about it because I knew it meant that he probably wouldn't take Noah with him, and if he did, he'd be mean to him. I then found myself almost chastising Noah for talking like a baby. I said he needed to stop talking that way because he was a, "Big boy now. You don't need to talk that way anymore, Noah, you're a big boy. You're mommy's big boy now." 

That's all I remember...

This dream was interesting to me because I've been thinking a lot about my Noah lately. When I talked about regrets in my previous post, and how I let them affect me now, they all have to do with Noah. I'm about to reveal my entire behind now when I say this, but, I wish I was a better mother to him. I feel like I cut him off from my affections too soon, and I dealt with him too harshly. I feel like he needed me just a little bit longer than I allowed him to cling to me, and that the distance hurt him. If I think about it too much, it still makes me cry. 

Noah was very advanced in his development growing up, physically and intellectually. He spoke very clearly and maturely from a very young age and was an extremely advanced reader, too. His comprehension was out of this world amazing for his age. He was very independent and could spend hours outside with his brother making friends in the neighborhood, but he'd always take little breaks from his play to come inside and cuddle with me. Hours and hours the boys would play outside and Noah was the only one who'd come in every couple hours to "check in," sit with me, hug me, tell me he loved me and then go back out.

He, and sometimes Jaylen, too, would sneak into bed with me in the middle of the night. I absolutely loved having the boys sleep with me. I'm sure that's normal for a single non-dating mom. We had an open door policy in my home. They could come in and out of my room whenever they pleased without knocking. They never had to ask for anything they wanted out of the pantry or fridge. They basically did whatever they wanted and I let them...

When we moved to Maryland, however, things changed. Jason was now in my life and boundaries had to be set. I wasn't living with Jason, but he kind of became a father figure to the boys and things changed dramatically. Apparently, my parenting style was a bit too...nonexistent? to him. There basically were no rules or limitations in my house before Jason came along, and now there were plenty. They could no longer come in and out as they pleased, mostly out of fear, because I wasn't sure it was as safe out there for them as it was in Virginia. Also, the open door policy to my room changed; they now had to knock. And the sneaking in to sleep with me also had to stop. 

Don't get me wrong, I did discipline my kids. Maybe too much - and maybe that's why I found it so easy to make things easy for them when I wasn't disciplining them. I guess it was my way of making up for how sternly I'd deal when them when I had to...I don't know. 

Anyway, like I said before, the regret comes from my kind of limiting Noah's access to me so soon, and for punishing him too harshly when he was out of line. He spoke and behaved so maturely but deep down, he was still a baby who needed his mommy. He needed the extra cuddles he got at night, or so I'd like to think and therefore beat myself up about...

But what if this dream is trying to tell me something? What if it's saying it was never up to me to "save" my currently-struggling Noah, who I'm always wishing I could save; that even though he may come to me with his pain or troubles, it's not up to me to make that pain or trouble go away? What if, in fact, Noah never wanted or expected that from me in the first place? Is God reminding me through this dream that Noah's troubles were and will always be resolved, but in His way, and in His time, and I'm just there to love and listen when Noah calls, not to fix? 

After all, Noah is my big boy now. His true Guide, Father, Mother and Friend is with him. He's going to be - no, he's ALREADY - okay.

Amen.

Until next time, Stay Blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess

Thankfulness & Regret 6/21/18

I started out this post by throwing a lil' pity party. I shall not. I really don't want this blog to become a dumping ground for negative thoughts.

Let's focus today on 10 - yes, 10 - things I'm thankful for today. I literally just pulled that number out of nowhere.

1. My hair looks nice today.
2. God woke me up this morning with energy to start my day. No dragging of the feet necessary.
3. I had a beautiful, yummy bowl of spicy spaghetti for lunch that my husband made last night.
4. I have a husband who adores me and goes out of his way to make me laugh.
5. I have a great job where I'm well-regarded and well-compensated.
6. My three children are healthy and living and God is watching and protecting them.
7. I should mention I'm struggling here...umm...oh yeah! I have all 10 fingers and toes, two arms and legs that still work.
8. I still love to laugh and it's pretty easy for me to do so.
9. My mom's spirits are high in spite of all of the health problems she faces and the surgeries to come.
10. I have a nice car to drive and a very well air-conditioned roof over my head hallelujah Jesus!

Hey, that wasn't so bad. I know I could think of even more things to be thankful for if I spent a little more time. Like, I'm doing this devotional in the Bible app called Starting Over: Your Life Beyond Regrets because, um, I have allowed regret to make me feel a certain way over the years and I want to stop. Anyway, I recently learned the difference between spiritual and unspiritual regret. Like, there's the regret where you beat yourself up on a regular basis - ahem, throw pity parties - but still don't do anything differently. Then there's the regret where you learn from the mistake(s) you made and recognize that you can do better - and you work toward doing just that! The difference between those two is massive. One is surely an attack from the enemy and one is from the Holy Spirit, Who wants to guide you toward a better version of yourself.

Ok, for example, let's say you regret yelling at or cursing someone out. Godly regret will lead you to 1. Apologize to the person you yelled at, and 2. Do your best not to ever talk to anyone like that again. Ungodly regret will cause you to rehearse that thing over and over in your head and feel terrible about it - but also feel too prideful to apologize. Furthermore, the guilt and shame that continues to plague you festers in your spirit until it's even easier and easier for you to continue treating people that way because, as you well know, hurt people hurt people!

If I think about it, what sense does it make for me to have shame and regret about something I did years ago that I can't go back in time and undo, and for which I've apologized to the hurt parties, and for which I've received forgiveness from God Himself? My God wouldn't continue to bring something to my mind to make me feel bad about myself, especially not something I have absolutely no power to erase. All I CAN do is move forward and do better.

So that's the 11th thing I'm grateful for: that devotional in the Bible App. It's helping me to see regret in a very different way, and I needed that!!!

Until next time, Stay Blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess

China Glaze Pack Lightly & Golden Enchantment

I have a ridiculously large collection of polishes. It's my fault, but due to the vast number of choices, there's a bit of a stress factor involved when the time comes to change up my manicure. So, what I often do is set my mind on a brand, and then go from there.

As you can see from the title, China Glaze was my choice this week. I'd only intended to use one polish, but then opted to add a topper to one nail. I often do this with creme polishes to kind of break up the monotony that is the creme polish finish to me. I chose a gold holographic glitter topper because there is supposed to be some really amazing copper shimmer in Pack Lightly. However, the glow you really wish was there, isn't, unless you really look for it in direct flash or sunlight. I thought that adding the gold glitter topper might bring it out or something, or at least complement the polish.

China Glaze's Golden Enchantment, by the way, is the gold version of their Fairy Dust, which used to be my most favorite scattered holo topper - until I discovered CND's Out the Door Hologram top coats. I had both the silver and gold versions, but I've sadly run out of them. The reason I prefer the latter is because they are thinner in consistency, don't dry out until they get to the very bottom, and  also double as my fast-drying top coats. The only con is you have to shake them up before each use, as the glitters sink to the bottom. The China Glaze offerings are equally beautiful and don't require shaking, however, they run quite thick, dry out quickly, and I still have to apply top coat to them after application.

Back to the mani - I don't quite like the look of the glitter in regular lighting (it looks kind of dirty). However, in direct light, it looks pretty, in my opinion:

China Glaze: Pack Lightly with Golden Enchantment on accent nail

My hands actually look that dark in some lighting (first picture), thanks to spending quite a bit of time in the sun last week and this past weekend. And when I say quite a bit, I mean, quite a bit for ME because ya girl avoids the sun like the plague. If I spend 20 minutes out that joint two days in a row, I'm gonna get some color. And last week, I spent over an hour on one day watching the parade in DC to celebrate the Caps winning the Stanley Cup, another day I went for a walk in it for another hour, and this past Saturday, I was in China Town in DC for a little bit with my beautiful husband and brother in law. 

Anyway, the first photo is a more true depiction of how it looks on me in normal lighting. I guess it's a peach color but it does run a bit more on the pink side on my skin. When adding the gold glitter, it turns it into a more pastel orange-peach. 

The formula on Pack Lightly was interesting. It applied so nicely and had a medium to thick consistency. However, this polish absolutely refused to self-level. So, after three coats, you can still see some dark/uneven spots if you look closely. I still really adore the color and don't regret buying, wearing or keeping it, as I do intend to do. Also, my ring finger actually only has two coats of Pack Lightly with two coats of Golden Enchantment on Top. 

What are some polishes you own that don't quite behave as they should, but that you can't bear to part with because you love the way they look on you so much? I have several in my collection for sure! 

Until next time, Stay Blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess

CND Creative Play Nail Lacquer: Miss Purplelarity

So here goes another nail polish post...

My husband wanted to go to Gabe's on Wednesday, where I immediately targeted the nail polish section. It's been a few months since I've been there, but they do often have deeply discounted polish from varying brands. Last time, there were a lot of Sally Hansen Complete Salon Manicure polishes for something like $2.50 or $3.00, and some $5 kits with Sinful Colors polishes in them. This time, there were quite a few Essies for $3.99, mostly from the Fall 2017 collection. There were also some Julep polishes for $2.99! I've never seen Julep polish in a discount store before so that was really something. 

Then I ran across a brand I'd never heard of before - correction: I've heard of CND, of course! I've seen their polishes, used/use Out The Door, and I even have a small bottle of their Solar Oil on my bedside table (that I keep forgetting to use  :\) - I just didn't know about this Creative Play line from them - and they're only $1.99! They had a few shades, but the one that really stole my heart was a deep purple heavily packed with silver shimmer. The shimmer is so abundant, I can't tell if the base color is just a creme purple or a metallic purple. At the time I spotted this, I was wearing that bright neon pink from Nine Zero Lacquer that I LOVE, and yet I could not resist this deep beauty and could not wait to put her on!

It wasn't until I got her in the car that I looked to see what her name was, and what a name she has! I introduce you to the very stunning, very easy-to-apply, purple-lover's dream of a polish, Miss Purplelarity:

I mean...just look at her!!! And I'm not kidding about that name! Look!

I'd probably have spelled it Miss Purplarity for simplicity's sake, but that would have been sad because I adore the way this spelling looks :)

I was so desperate to get this color on last night before bed (would have put it on the same night but we got home so late) that I didn't even oil my nails after taking off the previous mani - HUGE NO-NO! Leaving that step out too many times between manis causes my nails to peel. The desperation continues: I only put on ONE coat of base coat - what?! Who even AM I? Anyway, I followed that that with two easy coats of color and one of a bubblegum scented top coat from Purple Willow Apothecary and I was done! This was probably the quickest mani I've done in years. I need a full 90 minutes most days to do my full pamper session and six to seven layers of polish. Last night however, I was done in maybe 30 minutes and only put on four layers total - it's unheard of really...

This polish did not disappoint. Like I said, they had several other shades there, a milky-looking neutral, some solid colors and even a shimmery teal, but this was the standout for me. I'm sure I have other purples this shade, but this finish and formula? I don't think so. I love this so much!

If you're reading this and you feel like it, I'd love it if you told me what your favorite purple polish of life is at the moment, or just the name of the last purple polish you wore. I feel a wave of consecutive purple manis coming on...but now that I've said it, it'll probably pass LOL!

Until next time, stay blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess

Nine Zero Lacquer Watermelon Juice 6/13/18

Soooo...Nine Zero Lacquer has five new polishes out at the moment. Three polishes extending her Smoothie Bar line, which is a line of super beautiful crellies with black shard glitters in them, and two spaced-themed polishes. I IMMEDIATELY wanted to buy all of them. However, I'm trying to do better with my spending habits, so, I instead went into my NZL Helmer drawer and pulled out the three Smoothie Bar polishes that I already had, but that - you guessed it - I hadn't worn yet. I needed help deciding though, so I asked the husband to help, and he picked this one. He said, "That pink is poppin'!" which I thought was adorable :).

When I put the bottle up against my skin, I just knew that this was going to be an immediate destash. Not because it wasn't pretty on its own, but because when worn against my skin tone, it was doomed to be disastrous. But nah, yo...I don't care if anyone actually thinks it looks disastrous on me, because when I put that first coat on, I about lost my mind!

I mean, just LOOK AT IT!!!

First off, the formula was bangin'! Super perfect. I was able to get this perfectly even and opaque in two coats on eight of my 10 fingernails. For some reason, two nails on my right hand required a third...I must not have been paying attention to the thickness of the coat going on when I did those. It was so smooth and easy, I just assumed the amount of polish I had on my brush was enough to do the job. Secondly, most importantly, and lastly, I LOVED the way this color looked on my skin! It's a cooler-toned pink, and I have this bad habit of thinking that I have a warm skin tone. I don't. If anything, it's a weird neutral with olive undertones or whatevers. So, some cool-toned colors look pretty good on me, and, in my opinion, this is one of them. I think it helps that it has those black shards in it...it kind of tones down the punch-in-your-face-neon effect that this pink can have on the eyeballs. I literally cannot stop looking at my nails!



I don't know what's happening to me that I am falling in love with pinks lately. I had two love affairs with pinks last year and now this. What the heck? To add insult to injury, I watched a video from Jodi Loves Polish today where she reviewed an upcoming collection from Noodles Nail polish, and of all the beautiful things I saw, the one pink she showed called Aloha legit made my heart flutter. What the heck is this?!?! I have no idea....

And let's address the huge elephant in the blog: I thought I was going to concentrate on personal content here with only a sprinkling of polish here and there - and yet this is my third polish-related post in two weeks? That's out of six posts...that's half. Half the dang posts are nail polish!!!

I think writing about my individual manicures helps me appreciate what I have a little more, and make me not miss/lust after what I don't have as much. Who knows? I guess I don't care. I'ma do what I like, when I like, and how I like to do it...:).

Until next time, stay blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess

Throwback Polish: Sally Hansen Diamond Strength: Bridal Shower 6/6/18

I was feeling a bit nostalgic the other day and set it in my mind that I must wear something older from my collection. I've had this polish for years - and yes, this was my first time wearing it. Sigh. It's embarrassing to admit just how many hundreds of polishes are sitting in drawers never having been worn. I also try my best not to repeat-wear anything in the same year. I used to have a rule not to repeat-wear anything ever until every single polish has been worn, but I've failed at that a couple of times, justifying the decision with the fact that I hadn't worn it in over a year. But how crazy is it that I can go a whole year and still not wear everything that I have in my collection? 

Anyway, this beauty was interesting to apply. The brush was narrower than what I'm used to from Sally Hansen, but still very workable. So, while it took a few more strokes than usual, it applied well. It was medium-thick in consistency and was very nearly perfectly opaque in one coat. I opted for two to ensure longevity. 

I may just be imagining it, but I think that adding top coat dulled down the color of this beauty a smidgen. I recall it being a bit brighter before top coat..hmm...anyway, the end result is still pretty and makes me feel like such a girl :) I also kind of love this bottle. It's so old school, I know, and the little gem is borderline if not entirely cheesy, but still: I love it!

What are some of your favorite throwback shades? 

Catalyst...Not 6/1/18

I often begin these posts without a title, because who knows what this joint will be about by the time I'm done with it?

Hubby and I went out in a rain storm last Sunday night to attend a church service that was supposed to be some kind of catalyst to spiritual awesomeness. In fact, the service was called either The Catalyst or just Catalyst. I don't know. The potential was there, I guess, the first few minutes, but somehow God was sucked out of the room..if He was ever there in the first place. If I'm honest, it was almost like He was standing outside peeking in to see if the place was worth His time, decided it wasn't, and then decided not to step in after all. It was quite disappointing...

Years back, my husband, kids and I used to attend this special event that happened I believe once or twice a month called The Encounter. Good Lord it was a miracle if I didn't bawl at some point in the service. The earnest desire of the people there to feel or  hear something from God was so clear every.single.time...God never failed to show up. Even my kids were touched by these services, raising their hands unprovoked by humans, if not falling to their knees in worship. It was a beautiful thing. I miss those experiences.

I think if there is even one heart in a room crying out for God to show up, He will. The mistake we humans make, however, is in paying too much attention to how insincere everyone else around us appears, thereby forfeiting the opportunity to get a touch from God ourselves. There was something so shallow and rehearsed and fake and just not right about the whole service that I spent way too much time dwelling on it, and lost focus. That was my bad.

I'm questioning whether this church is really for us. This place is like walking into an H&M or Forever 21. Ninety percent of the membership is young-looking and oh so fashionable. To be fair, though, they actually do a lot of great work for the community and have lots of groups to engage in and are a giving church as a whole. The pastor is likable and funny and he has delivered some pretty good messages, too. I'm just not 100% certain that the spiritual nourishment I crave can be found there. I'll have to pray on this of course...

 

Until next time, Stay Blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess