Here I Am! Curly Hair Update 4/27/18

My sincerest apologies to those who looked for me and found this blog, which hadn't actually been updated. I'd initially started blogging on Bloglovin but realized that this is the one I should have started up again. Duh. So, I moved the new entries here. Hopefully, it'll be easier to find. This will be more fun because it also has older entries where I talked about or at least referenced nail polish content from my Youtube channel. I'll be watching those old videos again for fun. Also, I did turn on Adsense, so there will be ads now...

It's Friday, Hallelujah, and I'm alone in my section at work - and will continue to be through Tuesday - so pray for me as I pray for myself! A co-worker that sat behind me at our morning meeting came to my desk afterwards to ask if she could take a picture of my curls. When I asked why, she said that they were beautiful, and if she decided to perm her hair, she'd need the curls to look like mine LOL!!

Since I've switched to the Curly Girl Method a few weeks ago there has been a significant improvement in the overall look of my hair. I think what really made a difference, particularly in being able to get second, third and even fourth day hair, is plopping! I won't try to explain it. Google, "plopping curly hair" - it's a game changer. After applying my hair products and thoroughly scrunching my curls, I plop with a T-shirt for about an hour or two on wash nights before drying my hair with a fan. However, every night, I also plop my dry hair with a satin cloth. It really helps to keep my curls bouncy and easy to refresh the next day. 

Unlike other "Curly Girls," I don't like to spray water onto my hair to refresh it - it's too much and doesn't actually work for me. I literally just wet my hands and "dry" my palms on my hair a few times before, during and after applying my Shea Moisture Raw Shea Butter Extra-Moisture Detangler followed by my Mop Top Curly Hair Custard. I found out about the custard from a girl on Youtube whose hair is similar to mine (she has fine hair - a lot of it - that is also curly and dark, just like mine) named Curly Penny. I'd never seen anyone with hair like mine before, so I figured I better follow her tips! I love the detangler because it helps add the moisture I need to help fight frizz. I didn't realize that one of the main causes of frizzy hair was dryness. Our family has been using this leave in for years, but I limited my use of it because I thought it was too heavy for my hair and caused my curls to stretch. Plopping changed all of that. I can apply it daily for a week and my curls stay bouncy - and, it has made washing/detangling my hair on wash days so much easier! I've got a loooooong way to go before my hair is where it needs to be health-wise, but thankfully, I'm off to a good start. Here's a pic of dem...

On my nails is Moon Shine Mani Inconceivable! This photo does it zero justice. You need to see the pics on my Instagram (@jessikatpq), though...ugh this polish is fire! 

That is all for now :)

Until next time, be blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess

Announcement...4/24/18

I bet you thought I was going to announce something, huh? Well, I ain't. The title is just to commemorate the day that I announced on my Youtube channel that this blog exists. I didn't provide a link...I just made it known that it exists. If people are interested, they can come find it to read up on me. I said I was going to get pretty personal on this thing. And I mean it. At least for now, *wink-wink,* I'm treating this thing as a personal diary that no one else is going to read.

Today is the third time in about six months that I looked for apartments to rent in New York. Why do I keep doing that? My daughter's school is in upstate New York, not in the city, which is where I've been looking. I guess I keep thinking we'll eventually move to NY just to get a little closer to her. If I'm honest, though, I don't think I could survive NY. The place is too crowded and too savage. As much as I've tried to deny it, I stopped being a city girl a long time ago.

Did I ever tell you we lived in NY when I was a child? I was born in Puerto Rico and we moved to NY when I was three years old - I still remember our last address in Brooklyn, NY, and the name of the last school I attended. We moved to Virginia when I was 10. I remember going to my fifth grade class wearing leather bracelets in different colors with spikes on them. Everyone thought I was so interesting and all the girls wanted my bracelets. I ended up giving them away after a while.

I remember the first time we grocery shopped: it was at a Piggly Wiggly. Yes, a Piggly Wiggly. Crazy. I thought it was the funniest thing ever. I also remember the first Super Bowl we watched when we got here...I don't even remember who the other team was; I just know that the Giants played and won!

That's enough reminiscing for now. My husband made meatless tacos and they smell amazing.

Until next time, be blessed.

XOXOXO - Jess

Saturdays And A Secret...4/21/18

Today, my husband and I stayed in bed until almost 1:00 p.m. I rarely get any sleep during the week. On my most fortunate evenings, I may get a full five hours uninterrupted. So, on Friday nights/Saturday mornings, I often make up for that.

I usually spend my Saturdays oiling my scalp and applying a deep treatment mask to my hair, wrapping it up and just lazing around the house all day. Today, however, when we finally got out of bed, he started making vegan potato salad, something I absolutely love but that I rarely eat since he doesn’t love it as much as I do (which is a good thing, too, cuz let’s face it: potato salad ain’t healthy). I took the time to reorganize my overflowing nightstand drawers. I ate my first meal of the day at around 4 p.m., which was a heaping serving of potato salad, with an entire 16-oz can of rinsed chick peas and two chopped up tomatoes. About an hour later I ate a bowl of generic corn pops and Kix mixed together with unsweetened almond milk. I don’t think I’ll eat anything else today.

I opted out of oiling and treating my hair today because I will apply henna to it tomorrow after church, which is a treatment in and of itself. So, I plan to put it on for several hours and then put in the deep treatment mask afterwards. The only thing I don’t like about henna treatments is the SMELL. It kind of smells like pine and tea tree oil mixed together. The results it gives my hair, though, are worth it. It really minimizes frizz and defines my curls. Frizz has been running rampant ever since I dyed my hair with a regular hair dye. I had perfectly healthy almost virgin hair before I made that huge mistake! All because I wanted to cover a few grays at the top of my head, which, honestly didn’t even happen. The dye all but faded entirely within two weeks. Henna turns my grays into a golden color that I prefer over the stark silver.

I feel like I spent way too much time talking about my hair. But that’s okay. The fact that I’m writing at all is great for me – especially on a Saturday! I want, need to get back into the groove of writing because it was and may very well still be my true passion. Something I’m good at doing, or at least, used to be. I remember praying recently, asking God to reveal to me what I should do. What my gift was. What could I offer to be of any help or impact to the world. There was a time when I considered writing a book. I think I may have even kind of started one, but I kept getting stuck on where/how I should start…

I thought I’d write a fictional book filled with my very nonfictional childhood traumas. But again, I got stuck with the start of it…and the names I came up with to represent myself, mom, and other characters just bothered me. Frankly, though, I wasn’t ready to bring all of that up again. I always think I’m over what happened to me until I start talking about it and then I realize I’m not. Isn’t the sign of being over something being able to talk about it without crying? Well, I couldn’t do that. I wonder if I’m ready now? Or do I even think it’s necessary to talk about that with the world? It could – most likely absolutely would – hurt my mother. I think. And I’m not in the mood to do that.


Can I tell you a secret? I keep having these visions of being a popular public figure. I’ve seen myself on stage talking to big crowds, and even on TV, like on a talk show or something, again, with a large audience. I’ve had these visions for years and I never understood them because they are so contradictory to how I feel about myself. I don’t see myself ever being comfortable with being the center of attention, or with public speaking. I practically pass out speaking in front of a dozen people during once-or-twice-yearly training sessions – can you imagine me speaking to hundreds? Thousands? Apparently, I can imagine it, but I can’t quite make senseof it. On my good days, I see myself being interesting. Worth being listened to and respected. Someone people can look up to and aspire to become. Influential in the most positive of ways. I don’t know where that thinking comes from. For goodness sake, I’m 41 years old. Who begins a journey where any of that could be possible at 41? And I’ll be 42 in four months!

I don’t know what God has in store for me, but I’m willing to find out. I believe that while we have special gifts that are, of course, God-given, those gifts alone aren’t what’s going to get us to where we need to go. I believe that God is the final piece to our destiny. All my shortcomings will be made up for by God, who is above me, beside me and even in me; and, I think that time is coming soon.

Until next time, be blessed.

XOXOXO - Jess

Running Out...4/20/18

As an introvert and a person allergic to socialization, I require a lot of uninterrupted alone time in order to feel peaceful. However, ever since our daughter went away to college, I don't get as much of it. You see, our daughter and I are my husband's two favorite companions; and, unlike myself, he doesn't need or prefer a lot of alone time. So, Monday through Thursday of every week, unless I'm feeling really sick or exhausted (not often), I go home, immediately change my clothes, put my hair up in a messy bun, and then chat my husband up either in the dining room or while sitting in front of the TV. We eat together, watch a few shows, and then, around 9-ish, I go to our room and prepare for bed - I get up at 5 a.m. y'all, so I needs ta go ta bed early!

Before our daughter left for college, my routine was much different. I'd come home, eat, maybe spend 20 minutes talking to whoever was in the dining or living room (usually hubby and daughter), and then go to be alone. I never felt bad about it because our daughter was there. And if my husband would ask me to watch something with him I'd often get annoyed and let him know it. I know that sounds terrible...selfish and horrible really. How did my husband tolerate me? How did he even know that I loved him? I don't think he did. I think it was only recently that he said he knows and can feel that I love him. I always have, of course, but, admittedly, it's only this past year that I've actually made the effort to show him: by sacrificing my precious alone time! My husband knows how much I enjoy being alone, so I know he appreciates it when I instead choose to spend time with him. If I'm honest, in the beginning, it felt like a sacrifice, but now, not even a little bit.

Interestingly, now that our daughter is home for spring break, I've noticed myself automatically going back to my old, selfish routine. I realized just this second that I hate that. Maybe that realization was helped by the fact that I purposely spent time with hubby last night after work like I'd usually do, and it felt really, really good. Normal. Preferred. Go figure!

On another note, and it may just be that I need to broaden my interests, I've officially run out of things to watch. There is nothing interesting to me on Youtube or Netflix, and I'm all caught up on my shows on Hulu - except for Masterchef Junior because my husband and I like to watch that together. I do have this past Sunday's Walking Dead to watch on our DVR, which again, we like to watch together; and when I get home tonight I'll have a couple of new episodes of Judge Judy to watch and several episodes of Hot Bench that I haven't had the chance to catch up on this week.

Lastly, I mentioned in a Youtube video recently that we've got new neighbors and that they've been intolerable. We were strongly considering moving because of them. We looked at a few places, but nothing compelled us to apply. However, after two calls to the rental office and some tricks I've adopted to be able to sleep at night, we've decided not to inconvenience ourselves after all. We're comfortable for the time being and will renew our lease for another year. During the year we're going to purposely put aside the difference between what we're currently paying in rent and what we'd be willing to pay at another place for a little more space and quiet, just so that when the time comes to move, we'll already be used to paying the higher amount - and we'll have a little extra cash in the bank to boot!

Until next time, be blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess

Seeing Where This Takes Me...4/19/18

Why do I even still own this blog? I haven't written in it in forever...

The name of it is misleading, too. It sort of implies that I'll take what I put on Youtube into this blog. However, I have no idea what I intend to do with it yet...

I feel rusty...just thinking back on how passionate I once was about writing makes me a little bit sad. It used to flow out of me so effortlessly. I used to have really strong opinions and felt bold and brave enough to share them, however deluded they might have been. Oh man, I used to be so incredibly passionate and expressive and often, so wrong!

Opinionated. That 'twas I. What made me think that anyone wanted to know what I thought anyway? That is, if I ever even thought about that. It's more than likely that I didn't care whether or not anyone wanted to know what I thought - I shared it anyway...what's the quote? Wait, it's a scripture: Proverbs 29:20 Do you see a man hasty in his words? There is more hope for a fool than for him.

That was me. Very hasty in my words. No thinking, just talking - more like reacting immediately to whatever was before me with no time taken to absorb it. I still struggle with that in day to day life. I'm learning to do better when I get an email or other written correspondence. If it irritates me or makes me feel defensive, it's a clear sign that I need to take a breather before I respond. That's progress, I guess. If only I could be so diligent in taking a beat before responding when in conversation.

Here's the problem with that: I don't think I'm very good at conversation in general. It might be rooted in the fact that I'm antisocial. This goes way deeper than your run of the mill introverted personality, which I am. I also have a strong distaste for social interaction. Sure, there may be moments when I somehow transform into a friendly, social Chatty Cathy, but those moments are extremely few and far between - and they catch me off guard when they happen. I don't even recognize myself when I'm like that. I exaggerate not when I say it feels like an out of body experience. Perhaps it's an alter ego, my personal "Sasha Fierce," without the fierce....

It hit me recently while attempting to sound normal in a back and forth conversation that I'm awkward. So, so awkward. I don't know how to keep small talk going to make the person I'm talking to feel like I'm interested in what they have to say. Mostly cuz I don't want to know. I want the talking to end. As soon as humanly possible. I prefer to be silent and invisible and not be forced to talk to anyone. Does that make me a bad person?

And yet...I could engage almost endlessly in written word. I feel like the person I am in written word is more genuine and true than the person I am when in social situations. Does that make sense? It's like I can't get past being awkward to really engage openly. It's more comfortable and much easier to be completely open and vulnerable and engaging behind a computer screen. There's no awkwardness or fear of judgement or rejection or embarrassment...just people using their fingers to share their hearts with each other. Ok, that sounded weird. But you know what I mean, right?

I sincerely feel like I'm two people. The physical me is aloof, awkward, blah. The emotional, spiritual, inner me is warm, compassionate, loving, giving, empathetic, engaging, sympathetic, affectionate, interested. It's the me I'd be if I felt free...oh my goodness...am I a prisoner of myself?

I have some things to think about.

Until next time, be blessed.

XOXOXO - Jess