Unfit For This World

I'm still at work, past quitting time, waiting on something because someone else didn't do what they were supposed to do all day. This always seems to happen on a Friday, too.

As I wait, I thought I'd check in. It's been too long since my last post.

I used to not care about politics, or the news in general, because it's always negative. Correction, there was a time in my life when I was deeply involved in what the news was saying about such and such, but I let it go years ago. However, it's a new day. And I don't like how upset what I'm seeing is making me.

My husband will tell you that one of the things I'm most passionate about is injustice. When things aren't fair, when people aren't held accountable for the things they do that, had someone ELSE done them, they absolutely would have been ripped into about, it IRKS me to no end. When one person is more severely chastised or punished for doing a fraction of what someone else does with absolutely NO consequences, ooh, man. I get fired up!!

It almost sounds childish of me to constantly rant in my own head, "It's not right! It's not fair! If it was such and such you never would have allowed it! When such and such did this y'all went bananas yet THIS GUY does THIS and you're giving him a pass? The HECK?!"

I can't...

I won't...

There were times when I feared death. I didn't understand what the anxiety was about for a long time, but then I meditated on it and realized what it was...the thing is, I'm not fit for this world. Plain and simple. I have these conversations with God about how and when I hope He'll take me. When I go, I want it to be in a way where absolutely no burden is left behind for my family. I want my passing to be financially and logistically easy on them. If I hit the lotto today, God could take me right after the check clears and I'll be happy. But I don't play the lotto, so...what if I did a "So God Can Take Me," Go Fund Me campaign? Would that work? LOL!

I don't mean to sound so dark. I promise there's not a lick of suicidal thinking in me. This world is just so nuts to me. Absolutely nuts. Upsetting. Unfair. EXHAUSTING. I really don't know how anyone can deal with it without a higher power to comfort and rejuvenate them.

That's all I have for now.

Until next time, be blessed!

XOXOXO - Jess