Something interesting, unusual, but oh so beautiful happened to me this morning as I was driving toward the commuter lot on my way into work...
I was overcome with gratefulness and appreciation for what God has done for my children...and for me...
If I'm honest, it started with a thought about one of my children in particular...but as I continued to think on all God has done for that child, my realization, joy and intense appreciation grew as I thought about how He's worked in my other two children's lives, and in my own life, as well...
Thinking about all that He's done and continues to do, I found myself on the verge of way-too-many-tears for someone who was about to board a commuter train very full of strangers. Thankfully, I was only a third of the way to my destination, so I had a little time to compose myself...
What overwhelmed me is the very real fact that He didn't have to do ANY of it...yet He did and continues to do really great things for us - the very thought that He created my children, my husband, and me, with so much love, and purpose...God, it's too much for my small brain to comprehend.
I've spent the greatest majority of my life thinking and feeling absolutely mediocre, not-special, ordinary and unworthy of anyone's time or space and most certainly not worth anyone's attention. Yet the Greatest Being Who Ever Was or Ever Will Be has had His eye on me all along - before I was even formed - and saw fit to bless me with a beautiful, loving, caring, helpful, patient, kind, and hilarious husband who treats me like I'm the most amazing creature that ever lived, and children who are healthy, beautiful, talented and truly awe-inspiring...
I DON'T GET IT...
I was not going to write today. I haven't written in forever, actually, but, about an hour ago I started listening to the song, "Great Things," by Pjay Edmund on repeat and was inspired to share my experience with all of you. I've been off and on listening to that song on repeat for a couple of weeks now. At first, I thought it was just because I absolutely adore the way my son's guitar sounds on that song (which I do - he sounds amazing on all five of the songs he's on in dis joint). This morning, however, it hit me that it's actually much more than that. These lyrics...they perfectly represent my heart towards God...
A lot of the lyrics repeat, so this is condensed:
Great Things by Pjay Edmund
He keeps...doing great things for me
If I had 10,000 hands, I would use them to lift His name
If I had 10,000 tongues, I would praise Him with every one
He keeps...doing great things for me
I don't know why He loves me
I don't know why He cares
And I don't know why He sacrificed His life
Oh but I'm glad, I'm so glad He did
Where would I be if He didn't love me?
Where would I be if He didn't care?
Where would I be if He didn't sacrifice His life?
But I'm glad, so glad He did!
He keeps...doing great things for me
I can't be without You Lord
I need You
More power
More love
More grace
I need You
I mean, seriously, it just couldn't be more perfect!!!
That is all I have to share with you today. Thank you for reading.
Love,
Jessika
Friday, October 4, 2019
Friday, February 22, 2019
Less is More...2/22/19
I was looking at floor plans and picture galleries of places I could see myself living in some day, and a thought came to my mind: "I can't see eight Helmers in this place." After looking at a few more places, that thought was replaced by another one: "I don't WANT to see eight Helmers in this place!"
What's worse is that my polish madness is not confined to those eight Helmers. I have junk stacked on top of them, too. Junk I'll probably never use, but that I keep anyway - just in case, of course...
Last week, I was so fed up with my borderline hoarding tendencies, that I started cleaning out purses from my closet, too. I want less of everything - but on my own terms. God forbid that something tragic should happen in my life where I'd actually have to sell or get rid of everything. That would be awful.
What I'd love to do is truly declutter and simplify my life and my home, period. I'd love to only have five of everything (eventually): dishes, cups, sets of silverware, etc. Five purses (laughable, but still). Five pairs of shoes. Why five? I have no idea.
What I don't want is five Helmers of polish. I once thought it would be amazing to only have one - but, let me tell you, I just don't see that happening! Two, though...I think two is possible - ambitious indeed, but possible.
The OPI destash project was tough. Too often I'd think I found a candidate for the destash pile only to realize that the color was discontinued and/or not easy (or cheap) to find anymore. So, of course, I had to keep it...even if I wasn't 100 percent convinced that the color actually looked good on me. Sigh. I've worn Parlez-Vous OPI? (not ever a candidate for destash btw) once, years ago, and I didn't like the way it looked on me. But it's still sitting in that drawer, isn't it? Ugh.
Anyway, I managed to get the OPI collection down to one slightly overfilled drawer - but I'm working on whittling it down even further as I try on some more widely available shades. I was almost relieved last night when I put on Funny Bunny - a shade that I LOVE the still-see-through-after-three-coats quality of - and realized that it was a bit too much of a pain to work with and not worth the end result (still uneven/streaky). I say that, but in the back of my mind, I wonder if maybe I could try again to make it work. I mean...I was in a little bit of a hurry putting it on...and I only had one coat of base coat on...so maybe the base wasn't smooth enough...or something! Sigh. Whatever the case may be, it still looks beautiful when topped with Over The Toptober by Moon Shine Mani: JessikaTPQ Instagram.
So that's where my mind is these days. Figuring out how to minimize the amount of stuff in my life. Pray for me. I need it.
Until next time, stay blessed!
XOXOXO - Jess
Friday, January 18, 2019
Uninspired Trash Person
Uninspired.
Usually, when I hear that word, it's from the mouths of creators lacking inspiration to create, or from critics referencing something already created. The word popped into my head today and it hit me that it had nothing to do with creating anything. I mean, how could it be, right? I'm literally creating a blog post right now.
Sometimes, I think that deep down, I'm really just a trash person who by the grace of God alone has bursts of inspiration to not behave like a trash person on most days. Today is not one of those days.
You see, I get into these funks sometimes. They don't happen often at all. In fact, I can't quite recall the last time I had one. When I'm in one, however, I don't feel like doing anything: talking, touching or being touched, smiling, or being nice at ALL. It'd really benefit the planet if I'd just go away and hide in a hotel room for the duration of the funk. Alone. In total silence. And just BE funky by my dang self. Thankfully, these funks don't last long - and believe it or not, they don't always happen right before "that time of the month." Coincidentally, however, this one is happening close to that time.
When I'm feeling like this, it takes so much more effort for me to open my mouth to speak at all, let alone to speak kindly. So much extra mental will to do something that's necessary for the benefit of another person's well-being - and I ain't got a lot of mental will to spare in the first place, ya feel me? Hmm...am I being unfair to myself? Would a trash person even bother using what little mental will she has to do something necessary to help someone else, which, by the way, I did twice today for two different people? Ehh. Whatevs.
There's something inside of me, though, I have to admit, that's kind of a bubbly cheerleader...like, all the time. She comes out against my own will sometimes, particularly when I write. I could be feeling like total trash, but my fingers always want to include exclamation marks, smiley faces and XOXOXO's in communications, even when my physical and mental states just don't reflect those tendencies at ALL - like, AT ALL!!! I feel her wanting to come out right now even...what in the world?
I had a new friend tell me last year that I must be an extrovert in email and introvert in person. Wait, the exact words were, "Yeah. So. Would you say you have a split personality: intro in person. Red carpet diva on keyboard?" WOW. I'm afraid she's right. That's exactly right.
I'm going to end this now before I further confuse myself and whoever else is reading this...sigh...
Until next time, be blessed.
XOXOXO - Jess
Usually, when I hear that word, it's from the mouths of creators lacking inspiration to create, or from critics referencing something already created. The word popped into my head today and it hit me that it had nothing to do with creating anything. I mean, how could it be, right? I'm literally creating a blog post right now.
Sometimes, I think that deep down, I'm really just a trash person who by the grace of God alone has bursts of inspiration to not behave like a trash person on most days. Today is not one of those days.
You see, I get into these funks sometimes. They don't happen often at all. In fact, I can't quite recall the last time I had one. When I'm in one, however, I don't feel like doing anything: talking, touching or being touched, smiling, or being nice at ALL. It'd really benefit the planet if I'd just go away and hide in a hotel room for the duration of the funk. Alone. In total silence. And just BE funky by my dang self. Thankfully, these funks don't last long - and believe it or not, they don't always happen right before "that time of the month." Coincidentally, however, this one is happening close to that time.
When I'm feeling like this, it takes so much more effort for me to open my mouth to speak at all, let alone to speak kindly. So much extra mental will to do something that's necessary for the benefit of another person's well-being - and I ain't got a lot of mental will to spare in the first place, ya feel me? Hmm...am I being unfair to myself? Would a trash person even bother using what little mental will she has to do something necessary to help someone else, which, by the way, I did twice today for two different people? Ehh. Whatevs.
There's something inside of me, though, I have to admit, that's kind of a bubbly cheerleader...like, all the time. She comes out against my own will sometimes, particularly when I write. I could be feeling like total trash, but my fingers always want to include exclamation marks, smiley faces and XOXOXO's in communications, even when my physical and mental states just don't reflect those tendencies at ALL - like, AT ALL!!! I feel her wanting to come out right now even...what in the world?
I had a new friend tell me last year that I must be an extrovert in email and introvert in person. Wait, the exact words were, "Yeah. So. Would you say you have a split personality: intro in person. Red carpet diva on keyboard?" WOW. I'm afraid she's right. That's exactly right.
I'm going to end this now before I further confuse myself and whoever else is reading this...sigh...
Until next time, be blessed.
XOXOXO - Jess
Friday, January 11, 2019
'member Me? My HAIR!!!
I sure don't.
I've been spending the last few days looking at old YouTube videos of myself to see if I'd be inspired to do them again. At one time, I had really great natural lighting by a window. Plus, I had a table and an easy setup for filming. I just don't have that now. I guess I'm not ready yet.
On another note, I'm currently thinking about chopping all of my hair off. I've cut a significant amount of my hair a couple of times in the last five years, but what I'm thinking about now is even more drastic. I'm thinking about going from 22 inches of hair in some areas...
...down to ONE.
I haven't had such short hair since sixth grade. I had to cut it all off because I'd spent the entire summer leading up to sixth grade at the pool half of every day and out in the sun the other half. My hair was an actual cotton ball. I ended up with a hair cut that looked like Duckie's in Pretty in Pink LOL!
The only exception is that my hair was cut even closer on the sides. I loved using my fingers to pull down my bangs, too. People made fun of me because I did it all the time. Nobody could convince me that I wasn't cool, though LOL! Hey, this was the 80's, okay?!
Just the thought of how much lower maintenance my hair could be is exciting to me...but then if I hate it, my self esteem could go all the way to zero. Someone suggested to me that I get a short hair wig first, but I don't know. The decent ones cost too much and that will eat into my hair cut budget!
I think I'm going to do it...the only issue is actually finding someone in my area who knows how to cut hair like mine...any takers? :)
That's all I have for now.
Until next time, stay blessed!
XOXOXO - Jess
I've been spending the last few days looking at old YouTube videos of myself to see if I'd be inspired to do them again. At one time, I had really great natural lighting by a window. Plus, I had a table and an easy setup for filming. I just don't have that now. I guess I'm not ready yet.
On another note, I'm currently thinking about chopping all of my hair off. I've cut a significant amount of my hair a couple of times in the last five years, but what I'm thinking about now is even more drastic. I'm thinking about going from 22 inches of hair in some areas...
...down to ONE.
I haven't had such short hair since sixth grade. I had to cut it all off because I'd spent the entire summer leading up to sixth grade at the pool half of every day and out in the sun the other half. My hair was an actual cotton ball. I ended up with a hair cut that looked like Duckie's in Pretty in Pink LOL!
The only exception is that my hair was cut even closer on the sides. I loved using my fingers to pull down my bangs, too. People made fun of me because I did it all the time. Nobody could convince me that I wasn't cool, though LOL! Hey, this was the 80's, okay?!
Just the thought of how much lower maintenance my hair could be is exciting to me...but then if I hate it, my self esteem could go all the way to zero. Someone suggested to me that I get a short hair wig first, but I don't know. The decent ones cost too much and that will eat into my hair cut budget!
I think I'm going to do it...the only issue is actually finding someone in my area who knows how to cut hair like mine...any takers? :)
That's all I have for now.
Until next time, stay blessed!
XOXOXO - Jess
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