Uninspired Trash Person

Uninspired.

Usually, when I hear that word, it's from the mouths of creators lacking inspiration to create, or from critics referencing something already created.  The word popped into my head today and it hit me that it had nothing to do with creating anything.  I mean, how could it be, right?  I'm literally creating a blog post right now.

Sometimes, I think that deep down, I'm really just a trash person who by the grace of God alone has bursts of inspiration to not behave like a trash person on most days.  Today is not one of those days.

You see, I get into these funks sometimes.  They don't happen often at all.  In fact, I can't quite recall the last time I had one.  When I'm in one, however, I don't feel like doing anything: talking, touching or being touched, smiling, or being nice at ALL.  It'd really benefit the planet if I'd just go away and hide in a hotel room for the duration of the funk.  Alone.  In total silence.  And just BE funky by my dang self.  Thankfully, these funks don't last long - and believe it or not, they don't always happen right before "that time of the month."  Coincidentally, however, this one is happening close to that time.

When I'm feeling like this, it takes so much more effort for me to open my mouth to speak at all, let alone to speak kindly.  So much extra mental will to do something that's necessary for the benefit of another person's well-being - and I ain't got a lot of mental will to spare in the first place, ya feel me?  Hmm...am I being unfair to myself?  Would a trash person even bother using what little mental will she has to do something necessary to help someone else, which, by the way, I did twice today for two different people?  Ehh.  Whatevs.

There's something inside of me, though, I have to admit, that's kind of a bubbly cheerleader...like, all the time.  She comes out against my own will sometimes, particularly when I write.  I could be feeling like total trash, but my fingers always want to include exclamation marks, smiley faces and XOXOXO's in communications, even when my physical and mental states just don't reflect those tendencies at ALL - like, AT ALL!!!  I feel her wanting to come out right now even...what in the world?

I had a new friend tell me last year that I must be an extrovert in email and introvert in person.  Wait, the exact words were, "Yeah. So. Would you say you have a split personality: intro in person. Red carpet diva on keyboard?"  WOW.  I'm afraid she's right. That's exactly right.

I'm going to end this now before I further confuse myself and whoever else is reading this...sigh...

Until next time, be blessed.


XOXOXO - Jess