So, after closing my Facebook account a mere week or so ago, I decided to create another one as a means to connect with friends and future readers of this blog. Listen, I haven't thought it all the way through. I swear these changes are just happening without much thought at all. It's as if I'm being guided into doing stuff without realizing that I'm being guided. I don't know what I'm doing or where this is going but for the time being, I'm being led to write and promote my writing.
Writing was my passion for years before I stopped. I even used to write poems...(I still can't believe I did that, but it's true). Before I was typing them, I was handwriting them, as early as sixth grade. I'd started writing in diaries at around seven or eight years old. It was my preferred means of expressing myself because I felt like I didn't have a voice. Writing is a part of my identity that I'd clearly forgotten all about for years...and I'm not even sure how that happened.
When I'd look at my old poems or even old love letters I'd written to an imaginary man - yes, an imaginary man I called "future husband," - I'm reminded that I was mad corny. I'm still mad corny. There is something almost theatrical about the way I write sometimes. There is a side of me that is super dramatic and flamboyant and...corny. I wonder how many times I can fit the word, "corny" into this paragraph...hmm...corny :)
Maybe the right word for it is, "quirky." I have weird little quirks about me that I've tried to suppress for years. Is it weird to admit that for years I've felt like I've been existing and not really living? I've spent a lot of years caring about what others think about me, and therefore, trying to remain as invisible and "normal" as I possibly could - but you know what? Normal is boring. It's not me. I may not be for everyone but if I'm going to live a full life, I can't continue to suppress my personality.
I'm weird and proud of it dang it!
I don't think it's a coincidence that this is all coming about as I've renewed my commitment to spending more time with God. I've been extremely neglectful in that relationship and I'm not happy about it. I need to know Him better because there are times when I'm just not sure Who He is to me, and that's not OK because there was a time when I was 100 percent sure. That's my fault. In spending more time in His Word, I know He will reveal Himself to me, and in so doing, will reveal me to myself, too. I mean, how could He not? He created me in the first place!
Until next time, stay blessed!
XOXOXO - Jess
You are part of a tribe, a band of womawn, a girl gang, of weird uh... so It's okay, welcome, I am very happy to hear of your renewed commitment to relationship with the Lord, he's missed you dearly, but has been guiding you all along. Excited for this journey, and hope to join you in writing.
ReplyDeleteHaha! Proud to be a member indeed. Love you!
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